The Confession
I never really understood who I was. There are so many factors that lead to who a person is that I feel it’s almost impossible to find out. To actually give yourself a title and to be confident in what you have labeled yourself is a quality I could only dream of having. What makes a person tick, what makes them extremely happy or sad? Does anyone truly know? Life is a big ball of surprises, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Through all the days of my life I live for the moment. Some may call me a free spirit, but call it what you will I just simply lived for happiness. Happiness is something different to everyone, but what did it truly mean to me? At first I really thought I knew what the true meaning of happiness was. I thought I felt it every day. Turns out I was wrong. I had been living my life as a lie. Now I had to figure out the true meaning of happiness for myself, but the journey of finding it was not an easy one for me.
One day I actually opened my eyes and I realized what I had done to myself. Thirty pounds had fallen off of me like wet clothes. I’m a short girl of only five foot, so the difference in my appearance was drastic. Anorexia had taken over my life without even a hint that it was coming for me. My personality had done a complete turn-around and I was no longer that free spirited girl that I once was. I didn’t even recognize myself in a mirror. That is exactly what was killing me though, the mirror. My self-confidence was drained and crumbled. I had almost given up on life by then. In fact, life was giving up on me.
I had to overcome this, it was only an obstacle. This disease was just going to be a chapter in my life and I refused to let it take me over. Time was the only cure and lots of time it took, but soon I was strong. I never have reached my full potential, but I think of myself as a caterpillar. Eventually when I’m ready ill transform into a beautiful butterfly. That transformation takes time, time that I’m willing to give. Life is a gift so I had to learn to keep every moment close to my heart.
Through this journey I’ve learned about myself and who I am. I am a woman with an adventurous and courageous personality. I am a survivor not only of one of the most deadly mental illnesses, but of life. In fact I’m a lot like life, you never know what you’re going to get. One big adventure with all its ups and downs involved. Life and I just might be friends when the journey ends, we just have to remember not to give up on each other.