The Inner Line

Most people don’t know what I am about to tell you. It makes me laugh that I am about to spill the beans to the whole world though. My brother, Michael, and I don’t have the same biological father. That’s not the secret, don’t get too excited. Actually, if you want the truth I don’t have a single full blooded sibling. I have four total siblings, Michael being the only other rugrat from my mom. That does not and has not ever mattered to me. I share their blood in some way and they are a piece of me. With Michael things have always been different and I am about to tell you why.

My mom married who I consider “,Dad,” when I was seven. I remember their wedding day like it was yesterday. Simple, filled with family, and straight to the point. Flash forward about three years and the day I got told I was going to be a big sister happens. Let’s just say it did not go well at all. I very vividly remember screaming “I hate you!” All followed by me locking myself in the bathroom for about three hours. Y’all do not get me wrong I was pondering real life stuff in that bathroom.

At that point I was only about to turn ten and had grown up in a household where I was technically, an only child. Until my Mom married it had only been her and I. We were a team and were inseperable. My biological father chose a life that I will talk about another day. I was still getting use to the fact that I had a “Dad.” Now I had to share my mom with someone who actually needed her to survive, not needed her because they wanted her. I understood the difference between love and unconditional love at a very young age. Probably due to the fact someone who was supposed to naturally have it for me, didn’t exist. Until I was almost sixteen years old I could have walked past my biological Father in a grocery store and never have known it.

Now here is what you have been reading this far for. When I finally came out of the bathroom I had made up my mind about everything. One, I was going to be the best freaking big sister anyone had ever heard of. Two, no one would ever separate my mother and I. Three, my step father loved me so very much and was a man I was honored to call “Dad.” So, when I came out of the bathroom the inner line was formed. The three of us had an agreement, it was what I demanded. I wanted better for this baby. I didn’t want this baby to sit in their bed at night saying thier prayers, crying, and asking God why they weren’t enough to be loved. We vowed and the three of us have kept it. Together we decided, Micheal would not know we weren’t full blooded siblings.

Many of you are probably going, seriously? However, we decided that I would be the one to tell him and only when he asked. He has not asked, so I do not tell. I know he knows, but I know he feels the same way I do. We are a part of each other in some way. How has no concern to us. He is my brother and my brother’s keeper I will always be. I will even create inner lines with myself and never cross them. All for him to never question the fact that he is indeed unconditionally loved. Call me a liar, or coward for hiding the truth, but I think it all paid off. That boy has more unconditional love for people than anyone I have ever met. He is an honest man, because the boy is terrible at lying. He loves his family, and gives his Daddy hell just like I wanted. The price I paid for the inner lining was worth it for him to not know such lines exist. The only thing that does is unconditional love.